Homophobia

Homophobia is something I never really understood.  I was raised that men could date men and that was ok.  I was taught that what mattered was finding someone who cared about you and made you a better person, and gender had nothing to do with your happiness.  So I never really understood people who were afraid or intimidated by gay people.
But, i'm going to try to understand it a little.

If I was raised in a home that put God above everything else- above your wants and needs- I would feel lost without Him.  If I was taught that Hell was the worst place to ever go, that I could spend eternity burning for doing something wrong i'd be terrified of making mistakes too.  If I was taught that being myself was a way to make everyone I loved and the person I believed created me and controlled my destiny hate me, I would be afraid of being gay.  I would be afraid for other people.

Maybe homophobia is someone who's scared and alone's way of trying to help.  Maybe they're trying to be noble in a really terrible way, because they only know how to help through the name of God. Sure, there are lots of people out there with egos, who love being right, and just want to have a place of power, but I have to believe that of the huge number of homophobic people there must be some with good intentions.

People who aren't attracted to the same gender and can't imagine it.  I always felt lucky to be Bisexual.  I have this capacity to love someone beyond their gender, and i'm not forced into a certain group.  I have choices, and I have support of people who will defend my right to choices.  But if I was only interested in other women, and was raised to think of this as the ultimate low I would be terrified.  I would try to help other people to ignore what MUST be a defect with me, and I would pray to a God I was doubting.

I would fear that God had made a mistake, even more terrifying than the thought that I was just wrong. My all powerful guiding light had made a mistake.

Remember that scary day when you saw your parents as people? One day they were superheroes who vanquished spiders, and the next people who made mistakes, and sometimes bad ones. What if the person you had to look up to, the person who gave your life meaning and prupose and hope, was just human.  I think I would hold up banners saying "GOD HATES FAGS" too.

I would be scared and depressed and feel alone, and i'm thankful i'm not. I'm grateful i'm happy with who I am, and I would never be anyone else.  My dad phrased it best, when I was crying and scared of people knowing I liked women.

What if they hate me? What if they ignore me? What if what if what if!?

Belle, all I ever ask is that you be yourself.
I will never be anything else.